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{"id":81202,"date":"2016-09-30T12:21:39","date_gmt":"2016-09-30T09:21:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.coolkadin.com\/?p=81202"},"modified":"2016-09-30T12:21:39","modified_gmt":"2016-09-30T09:21:39","slug":"ozur-dilemenin-incelikleri","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.coolkadin.com\/ozur-dilemenin-incelikleri.html","title":{"rendered":"\u00d6z\u00fcr dilemenin incelikleri"},"content":{"rendered":"

Bazen sevdi\u011fimiz ki\u015filerle istemeden\u00a0problemler ya\u015fayabiliriz. B\u00f6yle zamanlarda kar\u015f\u0131m\u0131zdakinin kalbini k\u0131rd\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z gibi onarmay\u0131 becerebilmemiz gerekir. K\u0131r\u0131lan kalpleri onarman\u0131n en g\u00fczel yolu ise tabi ki\u00a0\u00f6z\u00fcr dilemektir.<\/p>\n

\u00d6z\u00fcr dilememeyi birbirinden uzakla\u015fan karde\u015fler i\u00e7in ya da problem ya\u015fayan yak\u0131n arkada\u015flar i\u00e7in uzla\u015fman\u0131n ilk ad\u0131m\u0131 olarak g\u00f6rebiliriz. Baz\u0131 durumlarda ise \u00f6z\u00fcr dilemek sonucu de\u011fi\u015ftirmese bile taraflar\u0131 sakinle\u015ftirir.<\/p>\n

Bazen \u00f6z\u00fcr dilemenin de \u00e7e\u015fitleri vard\u0131r. Mesela internette dola\u015fan k\u00f6t\u00fc \u00f6z\u00fcr diye de bir kavram var.\u00a0Bu \u00f6z\u00fcr\u00fc genellikle medyatik ve politik insanlar kullan\u0131r. Ama her ne kadar k\u00f6t\u00fc gibi g\u00f6r\u00fcnse de asl\u0131nda iyi niyetli olan bir \u00f6z\u00fcr \u015feklidir. Yani \u00fczg\u00fcn olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m i\u00e7in \u00fczg\u00fcn\u00fcm konsepti hala varl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131\u00a0koruyor. Sanal d\u00fcnyada yayg\u0131n olan di\u011fer \u00f6z\u00fcrler ise \u015f\u00f6yle;<\/p>\n

\"sevgiliden_ozur_dileme_yollari\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\u201cB\u00f6yle hissetti\u011fin i\u00e7in \u00fczg\u00fcn\u00fcm\u201c<\/strong><\/p>\n

Bu \u00f6z\u00fcr; adeta kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131ndakini k\u0131ran ki\u015finin \u00fczerinden sorumlulu\u011fu al\u0131p, kalbi k\u0131r\u0131lan ki\u015fiye y\u00fcklemek i\u00e7in s\u00f6ylenen bir s\u00f6zd\u00fcr. Buna tam olarak bir \u00f6z\u00fcr bile diyemeyiz; \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc bu \u2018Hissettiklerini hissetmemelisin\u2019 demenin nazik bir yoludur asl\u0131nda.<\/p>\n

\u201cHatalar yap\u0131ld\u0131\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

Bu daha \u00e7ok, ortada bir hata oldu\u011funun kabul edildi\u011fi, ancak hatan\u0131n bir ki\u015fiye y\u00fcklenilmesinden ka\u00e7\u0131nmak istenildi\u011fi politik durumlarda s\u00f6ylenir. As\u0131l ama\u00e7\u00a0ise\u00a0hem hatay\u0131 yapan belli de\u011fildir hem de hatalar soyut bir \u015fekilde ele al\u0131nmas\u0131d\u0131r.<\/p>\n

Evet, nas\u0131l \u00f6z\u00fcr dilemememiz gerekti\u011fini art\u0131k hepimiz biliyoruz. \u015eimdi s\u0131ra nas\u0131l \u00f6z\u00fcr dilememiz gerekti\u011finde:<\/p>\n

E\u011fer \u00f6z\u00fcrleri kar\u015f\u0131n\u0131zdakine azar azar ifade ederseniz\u00a0size y\u00f6neltildi\u011finde de incelikle kabul ederseniz, bu durum partnerinizle, arkada\u015flar\u0131n\u0131zla ve ailenizle olan ili\u015fkilerinizi g\u00fc\u00e7lendirecektir. Ayn\u0131 \u015fekilde, hatal\u0131 oldu\u011funuzda kabul etmek ve durumu de\u011fi\u015ftirmek i\u00e7in ad\u0131mlar atmak, i\u015f hayat\u0131nda sizi ileri ta\u015f\u0131yacak bir etken\u00a0olur.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u0130\u00e7inizden gelerek yap\u0131n<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u0130ster b\u00fcy\u00fck olsun ister k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck, \u00f6z\u00fcr dilemek sihirli bir s\u00f6zd\u00fcr\u00a0ve bu y\u00fczden i\u00e7ten, samimi olmas\u0131 gerekir. \u0130\u00e7ten gelmeyen bir \u00f6z\u00fcr, asl\u0131nda sa\u011fl\u0131kl\u0131 bir ili\u015fkiyle bozuk bir ili\u015fki aras\u0131ndaki fark\u0131 anlaman\u0131z\u0131 sa\u011flar.\u00a0E\u011fer taraflardan biri d\u00fczenli olarak \u00f6z\u00fcr diliyor ancak bunu i\u00e7inden gelmeden sadece an\u0131 kurtarmak i\u00e7in ger\u00e7ekle\u015ftiriyorsa, o \u00f6z\u00fcr asl\u0131nda sadece etkilemek\u00a0i\u00e7in bir ara\u00e7t\u0131r.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Spesifik olun<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00d6z\u00fcr dileyece\u011finiz zaman yaln\u0131zca; \u2018D\u00fcn ak\u015fam \u00e7ok kabayd\u0131m. \u00d6z\u00fcr dilerim\u2019 ya da \u2018Ak\u015fam yeme\u011finde sana s\u00f6ylediklerim i\u00e7in \u00f6z\u00fcr dilerim\u2019 demeyin; \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc bunlar tam bir \u00f6z\u00fcr say\u0131lmaz. \u00d6z\u00fcr dileyece\u011finiz zaman sadece yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131z hatal\u0131 davran\u0131\u015f\u0131 detayland\u0131rm\u0131\u015f olursunuz. Bunun yerine\u00a0ayn\u0131 zamanda hatal\u0131 oldu\u011funuzu nas\u0131l anlad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131z\u0131 da s\u00f6yleyin. B\u00f6ylece \u00f6zr\u00fcn\u00fcz\u00fc hem daha de\u011ferli k\u0131lar hem de siz hatalar\u0131n\u0131zdan ders almak ad\u0131na \u00f6nemli bir ad\u0131m atm\u0131\u015f olursunuz.<\/p>\n

Kar\u015f\u0131 taraf\u0131 k\u0131rd\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131zda bunu fark etti\u011finizi dile getirin<\/strong>
\nKar\u015f\u0131n\u0131zdaki ki\u015finin ger\u00e7ek anlamda kalbini k\u0131rd\u0131ysan\u0131z e\u011fer pi\u015fman oldu\u011funuzu, yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131z\u0131n yanl\u0131\u015f oldu\u011funu ve kar\u015f\u0131n\u0131zdaki insan\u0131n duygular\u0131na de\u011fer verdi\u011finizi ona s\u00f6ylemek zorundas\u0131n\u0131z.<\/p>\n

T\u00fcm bunlar\u0131 yaparken dikkat etmeniz gereken ise \u015f\u00f6yle; \u2018E\u011fer seni incittiysem, \u00f6z\u00fcr dilerim\u2019 tarz\u0131 \u015feyler s\u00f6ylemeniz gerekti\u011fidir. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc bunu s\u00f6ylemek kar\u015f\u0131n\u0131zdaki insana; \u2018Seni k\u0131r\u0131p k\u0131rmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 bilmiyorum\u2019 demekle ayn\u0131 mana ta\u015f\u0131r.\u00a0\u2018E\u011fer\u2019 gibi kelimeleri istemeden de olsa kullan\u0131rsan\u0131z kar\u015f\u0131 taraf\u0131 incitilmi\u015f olmakla kalmaz kar\u015f\u0131 taraf\u0131n su\u00e7uymu\u015f gibi g\u00f6stermi\u015f olursunuz.<\/p>\n

Sorumluluk al\u0131n<\/strong><\/p>\n

Sorumluluk almak; hem yap\u0131lan yanl\u0131\u015f olay\u0131 de\u011ferlendirme hem de yap\u0131lan\u0131 \u00fcstlenerek \u00f6z\u00fcr dileme ve durumu de\u011fi\u015ftirmek i\u00e7in ad\u0131m atmak demektir. Mesela; bir kavga s\u0131ras\u0131nda e\u015finize k\u00f6t\u00fc bir \u015fey s\u00f6yledi\u011finizde, bunu gelecekte s\u00f6ylememek i\u00e7in ne yapmal\u0131s\u0131n\u0131z? Bu durumda\u00a0yap\u0131lan davran\u0131\u015f\u0131n nedenini bulmak en b\u00fcy\u00fck yard\u0131mc\u0131n\u0131z olacakt\u0131r. Belki de \u00f6fke problemi ya\u015f\u0131yorsunuzdur. B\u00f6yle durumlarda \u00f6nce \u00f6fke kontrol\u00fcn\u00fcz\u00fc sa\u011flamal\u0131s\u0131n\u0131z.<\/p>\n

Yani sonu\u00e7 olarak i\u00e7ten gelen bir \u00f6z\u00fcr ve tekrarlanmayan k\u0131r\u0131c\u0131 davran\u0131\u015flar g\u00f6n\u00fcl almak i\u00e7in yeterli…<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"c3b6zc3bcr-dilemek\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Bazen…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":81204,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[128],"tags":[34489,34490,34493,34491,34492],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.coolkadin.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/81202"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.coolkadin.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.coolkadin.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.coolkadin.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.coolkadin.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=81202"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.coolkadin.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/81202\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.coolkadin.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/81204"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.coolkadin.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=81202"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.coolkadin.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=81202"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.coolkadin.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=81202"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}