K\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131k ba\u015fka \u015feye benzemez. Can yakar. Oxford English Dictionary s\u00f6zl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fcn tan\u0131m\u0131na g\u00f6re k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131k; \u015f\u00fcphe, kurgu yada mevcut bir rekabetin fark\u0131nda olmaktan do\u011fan bir ruh halidir.<\/b><\/p>\n

\u00a0En iyi \u015fairlerimizde k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131\u011f\u0131n insan\u0131n etine batan o i\u011fnesine de\u011finmeden ge\u00e7memi\u015flerdir. Milton ondan, \u2018’yaral\u0131 a\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131n cehennemi” diye s\u00f6z ederken \u00a0; \u00a0Dryden ona \u2018’ruhun sar\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131 ”;Shakespeare ise \u2018’ye\u015fil g\u00f6zl\u00fc canavar” ad\u0131n\u0131 verir. Frans\u0131z\u00a0 ahlak\u00e7\u0131s\u0131 La Rochefoucauld da \u015f\u00f6yle ekler: \u2018’ K\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131k \u015f\u00fcphenin oldu\u011fu yerde boy verir. \u015e\u00fcpheden kesinli\u011fe ge\u00e7ti\u011fimiz anda ise ya delili\u011fe d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f\u00fcr ya da kay\u0131plara kar\u0131\u015f\u0131r.”<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Neresinden bak\u0131l\u0131rsa bak\u0131ls\u0131n k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131k patlamaya haz\u0131r bekleyen bir faciaya y\u00f6nelik uygun bir tepkidir. Ancak ki\u015fi kendini korumak i\u00e7in neden b\u00f6ylesine sanc\u0131l\u0131 bir zihinsel araca ba\u015fvurur? K\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131k akli bir bozukluk da de\u011fildir. \u00d6yleyse insan\u0131n \u00fczerine ikinci bir ten gibi yap\u0131\u015fan b\u00f6ylesi korkun\u00e7 bir hissin ard\u0131nda yatan nedir? Yak\u0131ndan bakarsak k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131\u011f\u0131n \u00f6zlemi duyulan pek \u00e7ok temel hisse cevap verdi\u011fini g\u00f6r\u00fcr\u00fcz.<\/p>\n

Her ne kadar k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131\u011f\u0131n \u00e7ektirdikleri kimilerini psikolojik yard\u0131m almaya y\u00f6neltse de, bu \u00fcrk\u00fct\u00fcc\u00fc hastal\u0131\u011f\u0131n kolayca tedavi edildi\u011fini s\u00f6ylemek zordur. Pek \u00e7o\u011fumuz sevdik mi k\u0131skan\u00e7 olmaz ki. Bu kendili\u011finden oluverir. K\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131k. Ki\u015fiyi hi\u00e7bir uyar\u0131 sinyali yollamadan, kendi de\u011fer ve cazibesinden \u015f\u00fcphe ettirmeye ba\u015flar. Ki\u015fi nirengi noktas\u0131n\u0131 kaybeder ve etraf\u0131nda d\u00f6nen d\u00fcnya aniden s\u00f6n\u00fcverir.<\/p>\n

K\u0131z arkada\u015f\u0131yla ilgili, \u2018’ cep telefonuna yan\u0131t vermedi, arayan\u0131n ben oldu\u011fumu bildi\u011fi halde!” \u015feklinde yorumlar yapmaya ba\u015flar. K\u0131skan\u00e7 bir adam bu g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc duygunun pe\u015fine kap\u0131l\u0131p gitti mi, adeta d\u00fcnyayla ba\u011f\u0131 kopar, buna odaklan\u0131r ve kolay kolay da vazge\u00e7emez. K\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131k art\u0131k onun i\u00e7in hem arad\u0131\u011f\u0131 hem de \u00fcrkt\u00fc\u011f\u00fc bir heyecan halini alm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r.<\/p>\n

K\u0131skan\u00e7 insanlar psikanalistler i\u00e7in de zorlu birer muhatapt\u0131r. Analistin kendi pusulas\u0131ndan medet umarak hastayla birlikte onun ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131 tekinsizliklerin i\u00e7ine uzanan \u00e7elme ve tuzaklarla dolu bir yolculu\u011fa \u00e7\u0131kmas\u0131 ve sonunda hastay\u0131, k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131\u011f\u0131n onun sevgisiz kald\u0131\u011f\u0131 anda benimsedi\u011fi bir dubl\u00f6r oldu\u011funa ikna etmesi gerekir.<\/p>\n

Ki\u015fi hi\u00e7bir \u015fey hissettirmemektense , \u00e7aresizli\u011fin panzehiri olarak k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131\u011f\u0131 ye\u011fler. K\u0131skan\u00e7 erke\u011fin o sabuklama ve d\u0131rd\u0131r\u0131 s\u0131ras\u0131nda su\u00e7lunun ne sevgilisi ne de rakibi de\u011fil de. Ge\u00e7mi\u015finde bir yerlerde kendine ve sevdiklerine g\u00fcvenini ve umudunu zedeleyen bir an oldu\u011fu akl\u0131n\u0131n ucundan ge\u00e7mez.<\/p>\n

\u00a0Bu, hayatlar\u0131n\u0131n bir yerinde insana cehennem azaplar\u0131 \u00e7ektiren k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131\u011f\u0131n kollar\u0131na d\u00fc\u015fm\u00fc\u015f sizin ve benim gibi insanlar\u0131n kitab\u0131d\u0131r. Buradaki insanlar kariyer sahibi, normal ya\u015famlar s\u00fcrd\u00fcren ve durumlar\u0131n\u0131n ciddiyetini kavramaya istekli kimselerdir. Onlar\u0131n hikayeleri, daima bir sevgi ili\u015fkisinin orta yerinde patlak veren k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131klar\u0131na bak\u0131l\u0131rsa bu hissin bir sevgi \u00f6l\u00e7\u00fct\u00fc ya da onun gerekli bir bile\u015feni olamayaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6zler \u00f6n\u00fcne sermekte.<\/p>\n

K\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131\u011f\u0131 tetikleyen \u015fey ki\u015finin kimli\u011fi, onun benlik alg\u0131s\u0131yla ba\u011flant\u0131l\u0131d\u0131r. K\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131\u011f\u0131n k\u00f6kleri ki\u015finin kendisini g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc, ba\u011f\u0131ms\u0131z ve arzulan\u0131r hissettirecek sevgi ve erotizm dolu tepkilerden yoksun kald\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u00e7ocukluk ya da ilk gen\u00e7lik \u00e7a\u011f\u0131na kadar uzan\u0131r. O halde k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131k, ki\u015finin \u00e7aresiz ve k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck d\u00fc\u015fm\u00fc\u015f hissetti\u011fi bir d\u00f6neme verdi\u011fi gecikmeli bir tepki olarak da g\u00f6r\u00fclebilir.<\/p>\n

K\u0131skan\u00e7 erkek a\u015fk ili\u015fkisinde , t\u0131pk\u0131 onun iktidar\u0131n\u0131 devirebilecek herhangi bir ka\u00e7\u0131\u015f giri\u015fimi ya da gizli komployu etkisiz hale getirmeye \u00e7\u0131rp\u0131nan bir fatih gibi davran\u0131r. Bu durumda elbette ki sevgilinin s\u00f6z\u00fc teminat olmaz! K\u0131skan\u00e7 kimse bir ba\u015fkas\u0131na g\u00fcvenemez. \u015e\u00fcphe eder, ku\u015fku duyar ya da kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131ndakinin maskesini d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcrme \u00e7abas\u0131yla s\u0131rad\u0131\u015f\u0131 aldatma senaryolar\u0131 kurgular.<\/p>\n

G\u00fcn gelir ve sonunda ger\u00e7ek onun bu yan\u0131lsamalar tiyatrosuna ve hatal\u0131 a\u015fk tan\u0131m\u0131na yeti\u015fiverir. Her \u015feyi bilmesi ya da tahmin etmesi m\u00fcmk\u00fcn de\u011fildir. Sevgilisinin ona tam anlam\u0131yla \u015feffaf olamayaca\u011f\u0131 da su g\u00f6t\u00fcrmezdir. Her insan\u0131n kendi \u00f6zel alan\u0131na, gizli bah\u00e7esine ihtiyac\u0131 vard\u0131r. Ancak k\u0131skan\u00e7 kimse i\u00e7in bu durum tahamm\u00fcl edilemezdir. Onun muhatab\u0131 \u00fczerinde y\u00fczde y\u00fcz hakimiyet kurmaya ihtiyac\u0131 vard\u0131r.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0K\u0131skan\u00e7 birini tedavi etmenin en zorlu yan\u0131 bu ki\u015finin k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131k hissi olmadan hayat\u0131n nas\u0131l olaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 tasavvur edememesinden kaynaklan\u0131r.\u00a0 Bu insan k\u0131skand\u0131\u011f\u0131 vakit, D\u00fcnyay\u0131 g\u00f6rme kabiliyeti zay\u0131flar. G\u00f6zleri ba\u011fl\u0131 adeta bir k\u00f6r d\u00f6v\u00fc\u015fte, sevdi\u011fini se\u00e7meye \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131r. Onun aksine , sevdi\u011fi can\u0131n\u0131n istedi\u011fini arzulamak ve g\u00f6rmekte h\u00fcrd\u00fcr. K\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131\u011f\u0131n prangas\u0131ndan azade olan sevgili , k\u0131skan\u00e7 ki\u015fiye b\u00fcy\u00fcl\u00fc bir eri\u015filmezlikte g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcr.<\/p>\n

Bu bak\u0131\u015f\u0131n tek tarafl\u0131 oldu\u011funu bu ki\u015fi ilgi, sayg\u0131 ve sevgiden mahrum, korkun\u00e7 kaderine terk edilmi\u015f hisseder. Mahremiyete kasteden bir \u00e7ift g\u00f6zden ibaret kalakalm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r. Ayn\u0131 zamanda sahici bir aldatma ile ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u0131st\u0131raptan kaynakl\u0131 kendi \u00fcretti\u011fi kurgusunu ay\u0131racak beceriden de yoksundur art\u0131k.<\/p>\n

\u00c7o\u011funlukla da neler olup bitti\u011fini hi\u00e7 anlamaz asl\u0131nda. Sadece k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131\u011f\u0131n o kavurucu labirentinde\u00a0 peri\u015fan bir halde, bir \u00e7\u0131k\u0131\u015f bulma \u00fcmidiyle arzudan yana yana dolan\u0131r. Ne tam olarak sevebilir ne de tam nefret edebilir. \u0130kisi aras\u0131nda durmadan gidip gelirken , sevdi\u011finin hayat\u0131n\u0131 taciz etmeyi s\u00fcrd\u00fcr\u00fcr ve en sonunda sevgilisinin, onun o pek korktu\u011fu tahminlerini hakl\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131p gitmekten ba\u015fka \u00e7aresi kalmaz.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Di\u011fer zamanlarda ise k\u0131skan\u00e7 ki\u015fi k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131, sanki huzurlu bir ili\u015fki \u00f6l\u00fcmle e\u015f anlaml\u0131ym\u0131\u015f\u00e7as\u0131na, ihtiras\u0131n\u0131 alabildi\u011fine ate\u015flemek i\u00e7in kullan\u0131l\u0131r. Bir \u015feylerin yolunda olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 hissetti\u011finde k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131\u011f\u0131n o amans\u0131z mant\u0131\u011f\u0131 ki\u015fiyi hissinin muhakkak do\u011fru oldu\u011funa ikna eder.<\/p>\n

K\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131k adeta bir bo\u015flu\u011fu doldurur. Hatta eski sevgilisi yeni biriyle beraber oldu\u011funda birden kendini ona tekrar a\u015f\u0131k halde bile bulabilir. Asl\u0131nda b\u00fct\u00fcne bak\u0131lacak olursa k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131\u011f\u0131n nadiren sahiden sevgilinin ihanetiyle tetiklendi\u011fi g\u00f6r\u00fcl\u00fcr.\u00a0 K\u0131skan\u00e7 erkek k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131k sahnesinde genelde yaln\u0131zd\u0131r ve birlikte \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131 analistin bu oyuna kat\u0131lmas\u0131na izin vermeye de hi\u00e7 g\u00f6n\u00fcll\u00fc de\u011fildir. Bir yandan delicesine kurtar\u0131lmay\u0131 arzularken, di\u011fer yandan onu sefaletinden \u00e7ekip \u00e7\u0131karacak eli iter.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 K\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131\u011f\u0131n etkili tedavisine y\u00f6nelik haz\u0131r re\u00e7eteler yoktur, bunun nedeni, bu hissin k\u00f6klerinin ki\u015finin \u015fahsi ge\u00e7mi\u015findeki belirli durumlarda gizli olu\u015fudur. Ancak her ne kadar hi\u00e7bir ge\u00e7mi\u015f bir di\u011ferine benzemese de bu \u0131st\u0131rab\u0131 \u00e7eken erkek ve kad\u0131nlar\u0131n hikayelerinden \u00f6\u011frenilecek \u00e7ok \u015fey var. K\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131k insan\u0131 \u00f6nce \u015fa\u015f\u0131rt\u0131r sonra afallat\u0131r. \u0130\u00e7indeki bu krizi dindirmek i\u00e7in olay mahallini durmadan ziyaret edip, i\u015flenen \u2018su\u00e7a’ bir a\u00e7\u0131klama bulmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131rken bir yandan da \u2018\u015f\u00fcpheliyi’ su\u00e7undan azat etmek ya da aklamak arzusuyla k\u0131vran\u0131r.<\/p>\n

Ancak arad\u0131\u011f\u0131 yan\u0131t burada ve \u015fimdide de\u011fildir. \u0130yile\u015fmeye giden yol bak\u0131\u015f a\u00e7\u0131s\u0131nda ciddi bir de\u011fi\u015fiklik yapmas\u0131n\u0131 gerektirir. S\u0131kl\u0131kla rastlant\u0131sal bir olay, beklenmedik bir patlama, ya da l\u00fczumsuz bir ayr\u0131nt\u0131ya g\u00f6sterilen \u015fiddetli tepki k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131\u011f\u0131 ilk ba\u015fta hizmet etti\u011fi ama\u00e7tan sapt\u0131r\u0131p bir ba\u015fka alana ta\u015f\u0131r. Bahis konusu gecikmeli bir k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131ksa , k\u0131skan\u00e7 hastan\u0131n tedavi seanslar\u0131n\u0131n sonu\u00e7 vermesi de gecikmeli olacakt\u0131r.<\/p>\n

Ancak analistin do\u011fru an\u0131 yakalay\u0131p, \u00f6zdeki travmay\u0131 g\u00f6zler \u00f6n\u00fcne sermekte teredd\u00fct etmemesi gerekir. Analist ve hasta aras\u0131nda kurulan ili\u015fki arac\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131yla hasta, k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131\u011f\u0131 sonunda kayna\u011f\u0131na geri yollayacak d\u00f6neme\u00e7 ve virajl\u0131 yollardan ge\u00e7er. K\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131k bizi insan yapan unsurlar\u0131n b\u00fcy\u00fck bir k\u0131sm\u0131n\u0131n ard\u0131nda, pusudad\u0131r. Dolay\u0131s\u0131yla hayat\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131\u011f\u0131n merce\u011finden bakarak masaya yat\u0131rd\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131zda, hayat\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n d\u00f6n\u00fcm noktalar\u0131n\u0131 daha iyi anlama \u015fans\u0131n\u0131 da elde etmi\u015f oluruz.<\/p>\n

K\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131k \u00e7etin bir cevizdir, sab\u0131r, kararl\u0131l\u0131k ve kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda sa\u011flam durmay\u0131 gerektirir. Analistin elde etti\u011fi bulgular yaz\u0131l\u0131 psikoloji kuramlar\u0131ndan \u00e7\u0131kma de\u011fil, bizzat \u00fczerinde \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131 sahadan toplanmad\u0131r. Analist, k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131k kaynakl\u0131 ac\u0131lara temas ederken hastay\u0131 i\u00e7inde bulundu\u011fu \u00e7\u0131kmazdan \u00e7\u0131karacak haz\u0131r bir pusula de\u011fildir. Daha \u00e7ok \u015fiddet ve tutku dolu bir d\u00fcnyaya dalma riskini al\u0131p, k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131\u011f\u0131n h\u00fckm\u00fcn\u00fc y\u0131kabilmek i\u00e7in yolunu kaza sesini duyabilece\u011fi bo\u015f bir alan yaratma pe\u015findeki bir i\u015f\u00e7isidir asl\u0131nda.<\/p>\n

\u00a0K\u0131skan\u00e7 asl\u0131nda sevginin en g\u00f6zde tuza\u011f\u0131d\u0131r. Ondan vazge\u00e7menin zorlu\u011fu da bundan do\u011far. Bu hikayeler a\u00e7\u0131k\u00e7a g\u00f6steriyor ki hem kad\u0131n hem erkekler sevgi ya da erotik arzunun gizemleriyle ba\u015f edecek ara\u00e7lardan yoksun olduklar\u0131nda k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131\u011fa s\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131rlar. Oysa k\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131\u011f\u0131 geride b\u0131rakmak insan\u0131 yepyeni bir hayat ve sevme kapasitesiyle ta\u00e7land\u0131r\u0131r.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Uzm. Psk.Mehmet Emin KIZGIN <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

K\u0131skan\u00e7l\u0131k…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[138],"tags":[330,331,332,333],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.coolkadin.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/655"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.coolkadin.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.coolkadin.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.coolkadin.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.coolkadin.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=655"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.coolkadin.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/655\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.coolkadin.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=655"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.coolkadin.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=655"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.coolkadin.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=655"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}